Answers How to Pick-Up Women!

This week have an interesting follow-up question from "J.O." in Nigeria...

QUESTION (Answers How to Pick-Up Women!)

Dear Sir,

I recently came across your site and have been hooked eer since. In particular I enjoy reading your newsletter which I consider the best around.

Sir, I would like to most humbly seek your professional opinion on an issue, There is this girl, a university student I recently met at the bank where I work. I struck up a conversation wtith her and managed to get her number. A few days later I called her and the conversation went along the following lines;

Me: What are you doing for dinner on Sunday night. I know this really good place I know you will enjoy. You really should come.

Her: Where?

Me: It's a surprise.

Her: Hmmm. My friend is having her birthday party tommorrow.

Me: When will you be free then?

Her: I'm not sure.

Me: I'll call you back to find out.

Sir, problem is I don't know how to take it from here. Please in your esteemed opinion what do you recommend I do next. How do you suggest I structure my next call to her?

I shall greatly appreciate your kind considerations.

Yours sincerely,

J. O.

ANSWER (Answers How to Pick-Up Women!)

J.O., good to hear from you again, but you have got to promise you will stop calling me "Sir", OK! I am hoping that has something to do with how people write in Nigeria, i.e. very formal. But in the U.S. you can be more relaxed.

If on the other hand you are really formal and uptight in general, that is also going to cause you problems with this girl, too. It sounds though like you did well and at least got her phone number after all, and maybe beat your coworker to the punch. I hope you are taking my advice not to only pursue her, but I will go ahead and give you some advice about your call.

Before I get into how you should follow up on your call, I am going to tell you what you SHOULD have done in your first call.

First, you should have talked to her about things totally unrelated to going to dinner. It sounds like you brought that up way too quickly. In fact, you probably should have called her once and never even asked her out to dinner.

You see, when you met her at the bank you probably didn't have enough time to talk to her while at the bank, you don't know much about her and she doesn't know much about you. Unless they are very attracted to you already, women need to get to know you and feel comfortable with you before they will feel comfortable saying yes to a date invitation.

So you should have first called her and just talked for awhile, long enough to make her laugh a few times, to learn some new things about her, and to let her know some new things about you. Then, you should have got off the phone and left her wondering and maybe even hoping you would ask her out.

As you wrote it above, she didn't have time to get comfortable with you. She might have been caught off guard and that is why she didn't accept your invitation right away.

Instead, after talking to her for long enough to make her feel comfortable (or better yet on your second call) you should have talked about a good restaurant you went to recently with friends. You should have talked it up as being really good. Then, when she says it sounds good, you can say:

"Yeah, it is, you really have to try it, your life won't be complete until you do. Tell you what, I just ate there last week, but I might have some free time soon, you are welcome to join me next time."

This way you didn't put her on the spot, she was already involved in the conversation in a positive way and feeling good, and THEN you create an opportunity for her to join YOU. It sounds less needy that way when you say "you are welcome to join me".

The other place where you went wrong was telling her the place you would take her was a surprise. This is good if you have already been dating a girl, but she barely knows you and now she can't even visualize where she will be going with you. You were throwing her too many unknowns.

OK, what to do now that you have to call her back?

If I were you, I would just call back and do what I said above, just talk to her and get to know her better. If you go long enough, she might remind YOU about the dinner, but for awhile just act like you forgot about it.

If not, wait till you have her laughing, THEN remind her, but don't oversell it like you did last time. And this time have a specific place in mind you can tell her about. Yeah, all the movies tell you women like a man who will surprise them, but I have explained to you why that isn't good too soon.

It is important to have a formula for how to call women, and to hear how to do it right. That is why I am going to advise you to buy a copy of "The Art of the Pickup" DVDs.

In addition to teaching you everything else you need to know to be successful with women, we have segments showing both how to email and call women after you have their contact information:

You get to see me demonstrate exactly what to do when calling a woman back. Copy that exactly and you will get great results (OK, everything but the colorful shirt I was wearing in the videos, that probably won't work as well in Nigeria...)