Question About Dating Girls!

QUESTION (Question About Dating Girls!)

S M wrote:

hi

thank you for the reply you cleared a bit of the confusion but still i cant get the leading by hand thing? can you explain it further?? cause i called her out twice already !!

as for the group thing , i wil tell you a specific one but would like to know how to approach them all , i tried learning it on my own but made a fool of myself in a pub , i hadnt gone there since den :( , ok now the groups its most a small group all gals (4-8) , i know all of them through chatting on the net , its jus a casual meet up.....well this happened many a times in the pub when i see a gal i chatted online there....but i dont know how to approach them...i made a fool of my self earlier by making her recall that we have chatted on the net and she finished if off like " i meet tons of guys on the net , how am i supposed to remember you?? as if you look like tom cruise " this greatly insulted me !

please help

S M

ANSWER (Question About Dating Girls!)

Hi again S M,

If you know the girls in a group already then talking to them should have no difficulty because there's already a context and they already know you. My guess is your vibe is not coming across right and maybe you're nervous when first talking to them?

How are meeting them online and then meeting them in a public place and have to remind them? Usually you'll want to set up a meet when talking to them online and then meet with them as arranged. It's very odd to chat with a girl online and then meet her face-to-face unexpectedly (for her) and explain that you know here from online. I have to tell you honestly that is somewhat odd behavior and the only way I know it might work naturally is in a college environment where college students are meeting each other online but also have other similarities such as going to the same school or involved in similar activities.

The other thing you have to realize is that some women can be, well, bitchy, without realizing they're being bitchy. Many women in fact would like to believe that their shit smells like roses. But you can't let this make you hesitate, many times they do this out of necessity because they are approached by MANY men and need to filter most men out. They do this filtering by testing those men with casual insults, challenges, or tricky behavior. You have to realize that's it's not an indult to YOU but merely the only way women know how to differentiate between men they might actually want to know versus ones which will waste their time (in these sense of their perceived values).

So if a woman says to you, "as if you look like tom cruise", rather than take offense or display frustration, you can respond with, "well I was really looking for Angelina Jolie anyway, but you looked interesting so I decided to talk to you instead." If delivered with a smile, you may very well be surprised when her bitchy attitude turns into one of surprised humor and so long as you can persist and brush off the kind of bullshit she might throw, you will get far.

Now I don't mean to repeat these exact words, I am just providing you an example of the type or response and attitude which can turn a situation around based on the kind of responses you might get.

You see, part of what we try to advise in the newsletters and DVDs is not "tricks" on how to avoid embarrassment or being insulted by women, but how to pass their filters which they ALL throw, even the ones you would look at and think "that woman should be friendly to ANY guy who talks to her".

As far as the girl you asked out a few times, stop banging your head against a wall on that one and keep pursuing other women. You can't keep pushing the same button and expecting different results. You can't get good responses from all women.

Most importantly, you need to step back and see the bigger picture of things and also realize that you CAN look at things differently than you perceive them. Many times when something happens which makes you feel bad, there is a purpose and reason to it and realize that your frustrations are not coming from not getting what you want but rather not yet understanding the meaning of these experiences. Once you better understand them and can gain the experience to handle them, you'll be more at ease and that will also help because familiarity with situations builds the confidence you may not fully have right now (but soon will).

Jay

P.S.

I realized after sending my second reply to S M that I forgot to fully explain "leading her by the hand".

The notion of leading someone by the hand is not really meant in a literal sense. The idea is, when confronted by a woman who either can't make a decision on her end or is being flaky in her behavior, whether out of shyness, insecurity, hesitation, or some unknown reason, then what you've got to do is be a man and take her (figuratively) by the hand and LEAD her through the interaction towards your goal. Otherwise, your interactions will either stagnate or be controlled by her, neither of which is productive for you.

Of course, if she happens to be standing with you and you want to take her one way but she wants to go another, then certainly take her by the hand and lead her where you want :)