Your Ideal Relationship!

The too realistic result of her looking for her ideal relationship, I once read a fascinating story about a woman who opened her closet door and out tumbled various pieces of sporting equipment and memorabilia.

While these possessions represented the last decade of her life looking for her ideal relationship, she didnt realize until putting them all away that she felt no connection to anything in her closet.

You see, this poor woman had put aside her own interests for the hobbies of a long line of significant others.

Standing before her newly straightened shelves, she recalled relationships with Partner A in the water skis, Partner B in the bicycle helmet, and Partner C with a paintball gun.

She asked herself, How could I have given up so much of myself so that nothing in my closet reflects my own interests?

My simple answer is that she had a desire to fit in and be accepted. Its a pretty safe bet that if a woman wants to become her partners ideal relationship, she only needs to transform herself into that person. And it happens again, and again, and again.

Still, we wonder, what does this cost her? And, is it fair to her significant other? Maybe, most importantly, we need to recognize that following this plan of action leads her to never finding a true ideal relationship.

Like many of my coaching clients, I was raised with the unspoken messages of not asking for too much, and not being too vocal about my strengths.

As a result, this upbringing and my need to be accepted after my divorce found me dating men who didnt require much from their partner. At the same time, they didnt offer much, either. Not the ideal relationship.

If you were looking for your ideal relationship today, would you really be interested in someone whose only goal was to become your vision of a good mate?

Would you want to spend time with someone who presented himself one way, but after the curtain was drawn, you saw something much different? Whether the person is a significant other or a female acquaintance, isnt this image a little unsettling?

I dont believe most women are trying to fool their potential ideal relationship with smoke and mirrors, but I do fear that many transform their lives to match their partners because they dont yet know who they are, what their likes and dislikes are, or how to measure their goals and values.

A staggering number of women in my divorce workshops say, Ive given so much to my ex-husband and the family that I feel like Im left with nothing. I couldnt even tell you my favorite color, or what I want for dinner. My heart immediately goes out to these women because years ago, their words were mine.

Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places. A few weeks ago, while preparing for an appearance on an Orlando news program, I had to confront my comfortable pattern of downplaying my strengths.

In the length of a short guest feature, I had to explain the ways I help women, and why Im good at my work. This moment was significant for me, and one I will remember every time I find myself wanting to go back to that old habit of not being true to myself.

You can win in an ideal relationship or business by authentically knowing and being who you are, using the skills you bring to the table, and having a level of comfort that allows for flexibility and change.

Women shortchange themselves by jumping into what they hope is an ideal relationship before taking the time to fully discover and appreciate themselves. They dont stop to think about the characteristics they desire in a partner.

Are you looking for your ideal relationship?

Surprise! It all begins with being authentically you!

About the author: Jennifer Snyder is the author of a self discovery workbook, The Time of Your Life: A Creative Sourcebook for Women. The Sourcebook can be ordered at http://www.timeofyourlifeafterdivorce.com Circulated by Article Emporium Your Ideal Relationship! by: Jennifer Snyder